Tuesday, August 26, 2014

Drifting Along

Today feels a bit better. Depression was so strong in this little hotel room yesterday that everyone took a nap. We stayed holed up in this room all day.

I didn't have the heart to wake the kids up early today just for breakfast, so we let them rest and had a rare breakfast with just Tim and I. We visited with some other American families and they were all concerned about the ordeal we have gone through. It is a huge downer to see everyone get to go home on time while we're stuck here through no fault of our own. Very discouraging!

We are trying to remain hopeful and faithful that God will work this out for us. This afternoon I will purchase tickets for Chanz and I to head to Hong Kong tomorrow. The hotel is right on the airport. We made arrangements for 4, but it will be just us two. It's unfortunate that the room is non-refundable! I think I am making a new rule to never purchase rooms that can't be refunded. However, who saw this happening? Not us.

I started to feel homesick a few days ago and yesterday was even worse. Just like when we adopted Chanz, I questioned myself.

Why did we do this? 
Why would I voluntarily turn our lives upside down? 
Life was good, we were happy. 
We had a wonderful life. 
It's never going to be normal again!
I will never feel normal, ever again!
I am a snow globe that has been shaken and placed on a shelf,
while everyone mills about their everyday life and business.

Adoption is just hard like this. Throw in being in a foreign country for so long and it's almost overwhelming.
I know I had these exact thoughts last time. I remember well. I know life will settle into a new normal for us and we will wonder how we ever lived without Liam, just as I have no idea how there was ever life without Chanz. I know this in my head.

In my heart, I just want to go home. I want to feel normal and I want to see familiar things. I need a boring routine. We both feel trapped here. It was bearable to have the finish line in sight, but those with the power are abusing it and punishing us to get some point across that has nothing to do with us.

For now, the boys are content to hide in their electronics. They are oblivious to what all is going on, but I suppose that's how it should be! (Excluding Tim lol!)

We're taking the kids to the park today to blow off some steam and to get some fresh air. Tonight I have to repack the suitcases and divide our belongings. I'm hoping to hear some good news this afternoon!

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